Monday, January 28, 2013

Desperation Hill (Horrible Marriages Collection)




      "Ralph felt it first, the pull."
      "Yep, in the bathroom. I felt it in the bathroom."
      "What was that like? We're you frightened?"
    "Nah. I was checking to see if the hair treatment was working, you know - its been a while, nothing on top moving - and that's when It hit me!"
      "Was it a voice, a picture in your mind of this mountainous area or something like that?"
      "No, just a tugging feeling. At first it was awful, I thought I was going crazy. Like I needed something, I didn't know what, but whatever it was I needed it bad! Usually I'm watching the high school  varsity cheerleaders over the fence at Regional when I get that feeling!  Har-Har!! Well, The next thing I know, I'm in my car, up here on  Sunset Rock, waiting for the spaceship to arrive."
    "That's how I found him! Ha! He was in his car, no pants and shaving cream still on his chin!"
      "I didn't want to miss it."
      "Miss what?"
      "The ship."
      "We're all here for the ship!"
      "Actually, I don't know about them, I'm waiting for God."
      "Oh? They didn't tell me that was part of the story - God, you say? From, uh - up there?"
      "No, we'll, maybe. I can feel that he'll be inside the ship."
      "Wait, I thought the ship was going to take us to Sanctuary."
      "I don't know about him, I didn't feel no tugging  - I used a map! When Ralph called Eddie here, Eddie called me and told me where it was. I needed a map cause we just moved here from New Mexico after the plant shut down."
      Is the rest of your family going to join you?"
      "Not mine. They're not believers."
      "Who said God was com'in out of the ship? Ralph, did you say anything about that?"
      "Eddie said, 'I'm heading over to see Ralph but there's no more beer in the cooler. Would ya mind getting a case of two, is what he said. "
      "First thing will be I won't have a drinking problem no more either."
      "My wife won't be joining us until she sees its for real. That's what I said about couples therapy!! Haha! It'll teach her!! Couple this!"
      "How many of you are there up here, waiting for the ship, or God, or what-have-you?"
      Sixteen. Maybe twenty, unless - Edna! Anyone seen Edna? Huh? Maybe her kids might stay behind."
      "Any other kids?"
      "KJ and hers, but she told'em to shut up when they said they were scared, now we don't know where they are..."
      "Florence and Tammy are sixteen, maybe they're kids - Willy, your girls kids?"
      "Uh. No. That's why we're going you dumb-shit!"
      "Did Florence and Tammy feel the pull?"
      "Ha! You might say that!"
      "Knocked up - both of'em!"
      "Shouldn't they be in school?"
      "Yeah, and not knocked up and we should all be hanging up our firearms! Ha!"
      "What kind of arrangements have you made with your worldly possessions?"
      "You mean what we owe or what we got after the Sheriff auctions our belongings?"
     "Will you leave any kind of legacy?"
      "Dorothy wrote a nice letter and her husband - shhh.. He's a retard- he's going to chisel it into a rock and glue purple glitter to it so we will always be remembered."
     "Do you know exactly when the ship will arrive? and how long will you wait if it doesn't arrive at the expected time."
      "I say it's coming tonight, Eddie says before the beer runs out,  which is shortly, and Meg said she felt like it might be next Tuesday but she's not taking any chances."
    "I'm never going back, come ship, God, or if I'm just going to drop dead here from exposure."

      "Wow, that's some sense of dedication! And with that, I'm Darlene Overunster for DBJ news at ten, on Drake Hill overlooking Sam's Diner on Little Route Six, with a handful of would-be space travelers and die hard hopefuls who believe tomorrow may bring a brighter day! Good night!"

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