Hotel Houdini - (Horrible Marriages Collection)

"This is it. This is our weekend to make it work."

"Make what work?"

"Make what work? Did you really say that?"

"Is this an argument? If this is an argument, I need to know."

"It's not an argument, I'm trying to reach you. I can't reach you."

"Here, take a bag. Can you reach this?"

"What's that?"

"I bought you a little something."

"For what?"

"For our weekend, I mean, for you."

"You haven't bought me a real gift in sixteen years. That's one small part of why we're here."

"You never asked."

"People don't ask for gifts... That's what it means to receive a - Oh, you just don't understand."

"I'm just kidding."

"About what."

"It's for me..." 

"It is not!"

"No, really, it's for me... Are you crying now? We haven't even unpacked the car."

"This was a mistake. There's no magic weekend. This stupid hotel!"

"Hoho! I wouldn't call it stupid. They have mirrored ceilings."

"Don't be an idiot."

"What's that? Was that a smile?"

"No! I'm holding back the tears of twenty years of a failed marriage!"

"Funny, it looked like you we're about to laugh."

"Don't try to change the subject. If that's not a gift for me I'm finished. And if it's more sexy underwear for me to put on and humiliate myself for your pleasure, I'm still finished. After four kids, I'm not feeling like a sexpot, I'm just feeling like a mannequin for your fantasies. You should know it; I shouldn't have to say it.”

"You look like a sexpot to me."

"Oh god, it is.... Isn't it?"

"Oh yeah. I got us some sexy underwear!"

"I wouldn't doubt it. I'm not surprised."

"You will be!"

“Why, there's some kind of kinky twist I haven't seen after twenty years of birthday and Christmas and Valentine's Day gifts?"

"Oh yes!"

"Dear lord. If you bought me a toaster, I'd be happy with a toaster."

"Oh yeah? What did you get me for our magic weekend?"

"Me? I bough you another chance to work this thing out.; I love you... I think I still love you. I haven't seen you in years, it's hard to tell."

"And you think Hotel-Kinky here will make me less invisible?"

"Hotel Houdini! Houdini! It's supposed to be magic for relationships! Right now we need some magic."

"You want magic, open this!"

"If it's for you, open it yourself."

"Ok, right here? In the parking lot?"

"Yes. Right here, so I didn't have to waste my time waking into the hotel before walking out again."

"Ta-Dah!”

"What is that? I can't tell what that is."

"It's sexy underwear!"

"You think I'm going to put that on my....."

"No, it's for me."

"That's for you?"

"Yes. It's my gift to you."

"You're giving me you in sexy underwear?"

"Right here - Yes."

"Why?"

"So maybe you can see me again."

"Seriously?"

"Oh yeah..."

"What are you doing - what are you doing...!"

"You just said, right here! Can you see me yet?"

"Stop that! We'll get arrested!"

"I suppose I owe you this..."

"Really! What are you doing?!"

"Maybe I'll like it, maybe I won't - but I suppose I owe you this."

"You’re falling! Your...."

"I'll pick the gravel out of my ass when we're inside."

"Inside?! "

"Now you’re laughing!"

"How can you do this? How can you..."

"Ok! What do you think?!"

"Oh dear lord.... It's, it's..."

"Oh God, your crying again?"

"This... This whatever you call this..."

"Don't say anything as we check in."

"You can't be serious!"

"Ok, I haven't seen that smile in a long time."

"Your beer belly kinda hangs over that metal buckle."

"Maybe they'll appreciate that at the desk."

"Well, I'm not standing out here with you like that now, so let's go, Romeo."

"I got the bags..."

 "Can I tell you what you look like, with those bags, at least put on your shoes!"

"Here we go. You’re still smiling..."

"Okay, okay - I'll ring the bell, you just stand there with the bags...."

"Got it."

"So, they have mirrors on the ceiling?"

"You betcha!"

The End